A few years ago while flying toward Boise, Idaho on V113, I heard the following:
Centurion XYZ: “Boise Approach, Centurion XYZ, 70 DME south of Boise on the 170 radial at 15,000, landing Boise.”
Boise Approach: “Centurion XYZ, you are in the middle of the Owyhee MOA. The Idaho Air National Guard is having gunnery practice today. Say intentions.”
Centurion XYZ: “Boise Approach, Centurion XYZ, can you give me a vector for the quickest way out of here?”
A vector and altitude change were given and promptly acknowledged, ending with a “Thank you.”
Harry Wander
Nevada City, California
Descending into London on a “red eye” from the States, I was the pilot flying while my First Officer, an expatriate Brit, handled the pilot-not-flying duties.
London Control said, “We detect a British accent on your flight.”
Before my F/O could reply I depressed my mic switch and said, “Yes, our airline hired him so he could teach we Yanks how to speak proper English!”
Jack Winquist
Chicago, Illinois
On an approach into KRME (Griffis, Rome, NY), I was busy showing a fellow pilot how the G1000 on my new Skylane can fly a coupled approach. About five miles out on final, I realized that I had forgotten to check in with tower after the handoff from Approach. I’d entered the frequency, but never checked in.
Me: “Griffis Tower, Skylane 4839T, five miles out, RNAV 15. I think I forgot to check in.”
Tower: “Not a problem, Skylane 39T, cleared for the option.”
Me: “Cleared for the option, Skylane 39T. Sorry about that. I didn’t push the right buttons.”
Tower: “I have the same problem with my wife.”
Bob Keller (CFII)
Boonville, New York
On a Friday afternoon, flying through the LAX basin, the SOCAL airwaves were quite busy. This was a classic controller response to a less than professional pilot who stepped on the controller twice and used the inappropriate “with you” at check in.
Piper 12S: (Blocking the last half of the controller’s clearance to an American flight) “SOCAL, Piper 12S is with you at 4500.”
AA154: “American 154, SOCAL, please say again altitude at Poggi.”
Piper 12S: (Stepping on SOCAL again) “SOCAL, Piper 12S with you at 4500.”
AA154: “SOCAL was that Flight Level 230 at Poggi? You were stepped on.”
SOCAL: “American 154, affirmative, flight level 230 at Poggi. Break: Piper 12S, you are definitely not with me or you would be monitoring before breaking into my transmission. All I want from you is your full call sign and altitude after you listen up. Piper 12S, cancel flight following, frequency change approved.”
Piper 12S: “Uh, OK I guess.”
Ronald Hays
Santa Barbara, California
Flying over Kansas cruising on smooth air at FL430 while all the airliners were bouncing in light to moderate turbulence in all the flight levels under 400:
AA123: “Kansas City center, American 123. Do you know when this turbulence will smooth out?”
Kansas City Center: “On the ground at LaGuardia.”
While we were laughing, Kansas City Center asked us how the ride was. I felt bad when I had to report that it was as smooth as silk, knowing they couldn’t make it up to where we were. Actually not that bad.
Andrew King
Old Bridge, New Jersey
I was out of Sugar Land airport talking to Houston Departure. They always make me fly either south around most of the class B or north through the I-10 corridor. I was flying south this time, last direction given was to fly heading 170.
A few minutes later, Houston Departure tells me, “Diamond 123AB, turn right 20 degrees to heading 200.”
Me: “Uh, I can turn right 20 degrees to 190 or turn to 200, but not both.”
Houston Departure: “Diamond 123AB, just wanted to check your navigation skills. Turn to 190.”
Joe Horton
Lafayette, Louisiana
