Overheard on a typically busy Sunday morning just north of ORD in Chicago:
Cessna 123BD: “Chicago Approach, Cessna 123BD.”
Approach: “Cessna 123BD, approach, say type and request.”
Cessna 123BD: “We’d like to land at O’Hare.”
Approach: “123BD, I have no flight plan for you, say type and position.”
Cessna 123BD: “We’re a 172 over the Chicago Heights VOR.”
Approach: “123BD, is this a full stop?”
Cessna 123BD: “No, we’d like to do touch-and-goes.”
Approach (after a long pause): “123BD, we don’t do touch-and-goes at O’Hare.”
Cessna 123BD: “Oh, OK. Thanks.”
Bill McNulty
Washington DC
Like many folks, I usually come up with the perfect rejoinder 15 minutes after an event, but while eastbound over the US Midwest this summer, I was spot on:
Bizjet @41k: “Center, we’re looking at something ugly in front of us. Request deviation.”
Center: “Right or left?”
Bizjet: “Right looks better… But we can take a bigger deviation left.”
… After few moments and a successfully coordinated deviation:
Me: “You are looking in the mirror, aren’t you?”
Bizjet (laughing ): “Yes you are right. The ugly thing up ahead is me. That’s what my wife says.”
After that, nobody on the frequency could stop laughing.
Lenny Primak
New York, New York
Flying south over Delaware, direct CHOPS to join V308, my next fix a short distance away is BILIT, then “direct destination”. But I know that isn’t what Potomac Approach wants. They haven’t told me yet and the miles are running out.
Me: “Potomac, time for a question from Skylane 31 Sierra?”
Approach: “After BILIT, direct Nottingham, then direct.”
Me: “OK, BILIT, direct Nottingham, direct. Thank you, sir.”
Approach: “Did you have another question besides that?”
Me: “No, that was it.”
Unknown Voice: “Wow…a mind reader!”
Approach: “Hey, I’ve got ESPN.”
Frank Van Haste
Via e-mail
The summer weekend was in full swing and the eastern Long Island airspace was teeming with traffic. I had a fancy new headset with Bluetooth that after consierable effort I had connected to my cell phone. I couldn’t resist trying it out so I called my wife, but it went to voicemail. I left a message.
Me: “Hi honey, just wanted to let you know that I am heading back. I’m going to run some errands. I’ll see you in a couple of hours. Love you!”
Just as those words left my lips, I looked down in horror. I had been pressing the PTT the whole time. After a second or two, the inevitable mokery ensued:
“I love you too.”
“You’re the best, snookums.”
“I love you too, honeybunny!”
“You are sooo sweet.”
And finally “Don’t forget to pick up some butter on your way home.”
Crimson, I waited for a minute before I lowered my voice an octave to make the call that I was taxiing from the ramp to Runway 28.
Randy Ehrlich
Scarsdale, New York
At Memphis International I was taxiing my Piper to Runway 18 Center to depart during the peak of the FedEx push. Ground told me to hold short of the taxiway and to monitor Tower. After a few long minutes of chatter with departing aircraft I heard Tower instruct the Delta flight on the taxiway to give way to the Cherokee (me). Delta responded with, “What’s a Cherokee?”
I immediately opened the air scoop on my left window and stuck out my hand, to which the Delta pilot interjected, “Oh, I see him waiving at me.”
Dr. Tim Hacker
Memphis, Tennessee
I heard this recently at altitude along the US West Coast:
Center: “Hawaiian 45, the computer says you’ll fit perfectly between evenly spaced traffic at 39. I’ve learned to not always trust the computer. Climb and maintain FL410.”
Sal Cruz
Watsonville, California
